six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
