yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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