i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
