Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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