my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
