my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
this is an emotional support booty call
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