She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
