Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
