just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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