We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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