Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
