Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
