Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
