Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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