idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
