Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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