hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
honey bunches of taint.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
its liver damage thursday
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