OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
