Quick, to the slutcave!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
