he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
