she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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