You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
