Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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