I haven't been this sober since birth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
