OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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