I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
