Sponge bath it is.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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