The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
