She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
