i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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