My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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