He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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