I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
