just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
