Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
