I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
