I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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