If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
