david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
