yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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