She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
