He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
