I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
