"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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