he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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