is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
