Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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