shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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