Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
