i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
