remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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