So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
