i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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