Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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