i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
