god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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